After several periods of revision here again I am sharing a poem.
When reading this poem I want to focus on the difference between using words to describe my own feelings while working the reader to experience what I am describing.
Initially this poem sounded great, yet it was indecipherable for a reader other than myself.
The day, when layers of mudslides swell,
Each rolling over then erupting.
You hold your breath but,
The stomach is punched,
No caress, no touch.
Confined by feelings inflamed,
A child cries at the closing circus show.
It begins to rain
And he’s fine
Like being slapped in the face.
At the last show of the season
On comes the bow,
But some stand and leave.
A passerby gloats over the smell of flowers
While skulls bash rocks ashore,
And barnacles bulge on boulders.
At a rusted steel pier
The child stands alone where
Grassy sands surround smoothed glass.
Picnicers once pointed fingers at each little jewel,
That sparkled in the sinking sand -
Washed deep by cycling tsunami’s.
But today the joys of youth,
Float upon shore,
First dragged back,
Then torn by salty claws.
Reading the poem now I feel as though I have lost a significant portion of the sound yet at the same time directed it's message in a way that is understandable.
This therefore calls into question,
Do we focus on making a poem great for ourselves?
Or great for the reader?
What do you guys think?
I always focus more on the reader than myself. Most of my poems are experiences I've been through either good or bad. But i want my reader to walk away from my poem learning something and relating to me more. Its hard to find a perfect balance, in my opinion, to complete please you and your reader. If you achieve it thats great. Once again, my primary focus is my reader. I want my reader to take something away from my poem.
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