Punctuation has been extremely difficult for me. I have been trying to add in more punctuation to my poems so they flow better. While revising my “commuter” poem, I tried to express my emotions through punctuation. I feel like I write a lot like Vladimir Mayakovsky because of this. In all of his poems he has extreme emotion that is mostly exaggerated, but you get a good feel of that emotion because of certain punctuation.
At first my poem was like this:
Paying students
And just more to pay
How much money do you need?
I really hate to say
You’re greedy!
A trait I don’t like at all
You’re not very reasonable
Just tell me who to call
Because I have a lot to say
And it won’t stop here
I have a parking ticket already!
Just let me park anywhere
Revised:
Commuter (start to my revision)
Paying students
And just more to pay
How much money do you need?
These parking violations are really not okay!
You’re greedy! A trait I do not like at all,
You’re not very reasonable
AND I know just who to call.
Yeah that’s right,
Half the people that I know!
Who are just as crazy,
Just as mean,
No regular Joes.
Haha, Out numbered?
Yeah, if I’d have to say so myself
Karma comes back around
“And you’ve been naughty” says Santa's elf,
Punctuation has been an area I also have great difficulty with. It takes time and practice though. I have found it very helpful to have someone esle read my poem with different punctuation points to see if it has the effect I wanted to have. I like your revision alot. The punctuation allowed for better understanding.. good revision
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